Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I die, sorry about rent.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize