so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
