drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
