if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize