my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize