I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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