Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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