I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
