After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
