Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
