I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
