Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
