He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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