some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
