My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
