your parents love me but you hate me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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