she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
