just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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