Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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