You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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