how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
