Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
