So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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