u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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