i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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