I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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