so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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