i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Let's get the cat blown out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
