We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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