You just made me feel so damn special
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
