I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
