You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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