I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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