3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
