he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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