My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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