you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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