I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
