Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize