I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
