Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
