ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
