Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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