I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
