I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
