Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
