Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
