thus making me awesome and them whores
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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