There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
