He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
