you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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