Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
