Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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