god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
