Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize