The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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