That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize