yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
