I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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