i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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