Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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