why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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