It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
