The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
