apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
